Of course coming out isn't a one off event. Coming out felt like a huge thing at the time, but eventually I did it, to a few friends at a time who were and are there for me, even now. After years of hiding without even realising, I was free to be me. I finally had a sense of what my life might and could be like. It took time, but I slowly began the process of 'coming-out' for the first time ever I finally understood who I was and missing parts of my identity fell into place. I tried to pretend to be like the other girls, but that didn't really feel good, I became far more interested in writing and making theatre than I was in boys, so I threw myself in to that instead.įinally, in my mid-20s I started working with a brilliant theatre company that just so happened to be packed to the rafters with queer women, of all ages, all very different, and suddenly things started to fall in to place for me. Over time this certainly impacted my own mental health and self-esteem. As my female friends started talking about boys, dating and embarking upon long term relationships, I found I had no interest in the opposite sex at all, and started to feel like there was something horribly wrong with me. For me the last few years of my teens were an incredibly difficult and anxious time. Hiding your identity will eventually take its toll, whether it's being done consciously or unconsciously. Is there something horribly wrong with me? So, without positive LGBT Role Models, healthy discussion around sexuality or the tackling of HBT language in schools, I had no point of reference for myself as a young gay woman. Sex education was strictly heterosexual and only about reproduction. Growing up under Section 28 meant that there were no 'out' teachers at school, and organisations like Diversity Role Models (DRM) didn't seem to exist. So I never even considered that I might be gay. I did however grow up hearing HBT language on a daily basis, whether it was using the word gay to describe something that was 'a bit rubbish', or as an insult.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |